Ever since I was little, I remember feeling a sense of entrapment, even claustrophobia when I was in the dark. My most treasured possession at bed time was a MacGyver pen light I would sneak into bed. The fear of abandonment or harm from a burglar was so real to me even though I had never been exposed to either.
This memory recently came flooding back when Kelsie and I were sharing a story from the first year of our marriage. I had never outright told her, “I am tempted, often hourly, by lust and false intimacy” I have tried my hardest to fix it and I didn’t think you had to know because I thought it would be gone by now, but it’s not, and it is crushing me. When I finally broke down, I ended up telling her this through a downpour of tears while mucus streamed out of my nose. I was a wreck! I had imagined all of the negative ways she could and would react. To my amazement, my wife grabbed onto to me and held me tighter then she had ever done before. I probably cried in her arms for 20 minutes.
Galatians 5 said, it is for freedom that Christ has set you free. This is not a story about sin management or God’s victory over my temptations in these areas. This is a story about the Freedom of coming into the light. In my dark hidden place, not only was the sin crushing me, but I was rejecting Kelsie in ways I couldn’t even see because I didn’t believe I deserved her. When I let Kelsie into my darkness, light was shown in. Not only were we able to start dealing with the very real and hard consequences of that sin area, for the first time Kelsie felt like I had let her truly love me. For the first time Kelsie knew that I needed her. In my dark place I was not only rejecting any love Kelsie did have for me, but I was continually communicating that I didn’t value her enough to need her love.
This is one story about the freedom of receiving love you don’t feel you deserve. This is a story about how receiving other people’s love can sometimes be the surest sign you love them. Freedom allows us to believe who God says we are and start journeying with him in that truth.
Where is God inviting you into the freedom of his love? We want to hear your story of freedom in the comments or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Mon, April 21, 2008
by David Pinkerton filed under