September 3rd, 2008 by John Lynch

It’s been several weeks now since I returned from the eleventh annual Ernest Borgnine Memorial Music Appreciation Society weekend. I know. Odd. Strange. But way cool. A long way back about fifteen of us, all good friends and intense lovers of music, decided we would get together several times a year to play our favorite types of music. We needed a name. Somebody tossed Ernest’s name into the title. It seemed to fit. So, for over ten years we’ve been getting together, each of us usually arriving with CDs burned of 30 to 45 minutes of music-representing our lives, pain, joys, etc…It’s been incredibly rewarding.

At most of the events a giant smiling placard of Ernest sits in front of us and we play the theme music from McHale’s Navy to begin the event. On our turn, we each usually give some introduction, explaining where we are personally, and often include extensive printed packets of lyrics, pictures, artist biography, or our own written reflections on why we picked our particular music and artists. It’s a sacred, playful and sometimes raucous time. We usually pray for each other and someone usually plays some live music. There is always great food, cigars for some and a featured wine sampling by the resident bartender in the group. During each man’s “set”, no one gets up, except for the bathroom, or speaks much at all, respecting each other’s offerings. Last year was the culmination.

One of us got the idea of writing to Ernest and letting him know what we do. He was so touched that he boarded a plane and joined us for our 10th annual event. We each included a song on a compilation CD we made for him and shared why something about the quality and delight of his person made him the perfect fit for our yearly shindigs. One of us created wonderful artwork on the CD and on the matching t-shirts, bearing his smiling mug. He danced, laughed and sang to the music. I wrote and read a story of his life. We listened to his stories about Lee Marvin and Betty Grabel and we all spoke to his wife on his cell phone. It was a rare and beautiful weekend. Two statements he made during the weekend stay with me. He said, “Gentlemen, I’ve been honored all my life for what I’ve done. How odd, at this stage of my life, for the first time, amongst men half my age, I would be honored best for who I am.” And on Sunday morning, after we laid hands on him and prayed over him, he cried and said, “If all church was anything like this, I’d come all the time.”

So, then, why didn’t I want to come to this year’s event? I’m still not fully sure. Maybe a number of reasons. First, like everything, it’s changed. These almost all used to be people in my close circle. Time can change that. Many don’t go to the church I’m in or are involved in the ministries I’m in. Also, I can feel alone in such a group. It’s just common insecurity, but it’s easier to just avoid than face. And in any group that stays together in any meaningful way, there will be strains, hurt, pain, rifts and lack of forgiveness. Maybe I just wanted to be begged to come, to be told that I was important, to be so missed that they couldn’t do the event without me. Sad, but that motive was probably there also. And it felt like EBMMAS’s time had passed, maybe ending well with Ernie’s weekend amongst us.

But I went anyway-with all my fears and issues and unresolved relationships. And an amazing thing happened. All seventeen of us showed up…and God showed up. He always shows up. But this time He went out of His way to reveal Himself. There’s a principle God is teaching me these days. It goes something like this:

“What if there were a place where the worst of me could be known, and instead of being loved less in the telling of it, I would discover that I was loved more? What would happen? Among a dozen beautiful outcomes, I would discover that my unresolved hidden issues were becoming healed.”

These guys know me. Sometimes I don’t want that to be true. I want to run and find an entirely new group of friends, who will love me better, know me better, honor me better. But these, for better or worse, are the ones I’ve been given. And so their affirmations, when they come, are profoundly greater than anyone else’s. That Sunday, we spent over six hours affirming each other. It was one of those profound times that suddenly displays what God’s been doing in the background while you weren’t looking. It was incredible! Most of us wept and shook our heads at what God was doing. I discovered once again that trust, humility, vulnerability, love, failure and fragility all stirred together with some measure of time and just showing up-allows God to reveal the supernatural, sacred life of Christ in us. I’m getting old enough to be exceedingly grateful that I haven’t always run from such community. The payoff is pretty incredible.

August 28th, 2008 by toben

Joanne got back from San Antonio after being at a Beth Moore conference for a few days.  She ended up coming home early, arriving at 9 in the morning as opposed to 7 at night as originally scheduled.  She called me on Saturday and asked if there was any way to get her on an earlier flight.  I poked around on the United website, talked to a guy at the call center in India and ended up getting her that earlier flight she wanted.

All of this was driven by the fact that Joanne just wanted to be home. I can relate.  On my many trips down to Phoenix and the Leadership Catalyst office, I often start to get a little voice in the back of my head that nags me about getting back home and to my family.  I really enjoy being in Phoenix with the team, and that group of people feels like community to me, but home and my family here in Denver, is where I long to be when I am gone for any length of time.

I got thinking about this yesterday and wondered where that pull comes from. Here’s what I came up with: in our home, each of us (the kids included) are free to be ourselves, to forget about mask-wearing which we all sometimes do when we are out of our safe place and away from our community.  We are able to be in that unique place where we give and receive protective love–a love that allows us to trade permission for protection.  Basically it is the place that allows my family to live out the principles that we hold so dear at Leadership Catalyst (LCI).  Ideally we could live that way out in the world, and we certainly try to keep those masks off but the rest of it can only be experienced in community, and that, for my family, starts at home.

Then I got thinking about all the people who don’t experience these things in their home and how difficult it must be to have the people that should be closest to you out at arm’s length.  I guess that’s why we have so much impact and success meeting with families as we teach these principles.  We are able to help transform a home where masks are always on, secrets are always kept and self-protection is the way of life, into a place where a family can experience the fullness and authenticity of a TrueFaced relationship.

Each of us at LCI has our particular audience that we are passionate about reaching with this message.  For me, the thing that drives me each day is the idea that we can improve the lives of families with these truths.

Please don’t get the idea that things at the Heim household are perfect and that we live in this utopian bubble.  That’s not the case at all.  But for me it is the closest thing to the manifestation of the truths that we teach and the thing that triggers the longing to return home when we are away on trips.

August 20th, 2008 by John Lynch

I went to Carly’s “Meet the Teachers” deal last night. It’s a fine Christian school. Carly loves it. But I gotta tell you, the messages plastered around almost every classroom, gym wall and introductory remark gave me the willies. Stuff like-

• “Do your best.”
• “Character counts, keep at it.”
• “Work hard.”
• “Keep yourself disciplined.”
• “Be excellent.”
• “Every thought you entertain today forms tomorrow’s citizen.”
• “You can’t hear God if you’re watching the television.”
• “I don’t give out grades, you earn them.”
• “Nobody ever got anywhere without starting.”
• “Watch your morals, because others are.”
• “Keep raising the bar.”
• “Vigorous and strenuous effort brings the victory.”

There was about a hundred more well intended messages which all basically said: “Hey, we’re pretty convinced at your core, you’d like to eat chips on a couch all day in front of dirty movies. So we’ll keep bombarding you with these little slogans to keep you in line.”

What must the student be thinking seeing and hearing this day in and day out? “These people seem to think I’m always wanting to get away with stuff, that I’m always one step away from really screwing up. I didn’t used to think that was true. I really was enjoying God and wanting to live for Him. But these people seem convinced I wouldn’t do it without constant scolding or prodding. Maybe I’m not a new creature but still an evil slug trying to somehow get better and make Him a little less disappointed with me.”

There is also a copy of the Ten Commandments in most classes and spooky stuff about the Law everywhere you look. Some of these blips are, of course, true and good; but, they lack a context of appealing to their new nature. Even the administrators speak of the kids to the assembled parents with a “wink-wink” shared belief that we have all put our kids in a Christian school to make sure they are “kept in line”.

Such a way of teaching, educating, parenting, with all of its good intention, can accomplish at least these horrible outcomes:

1. They learn to rebel. What they were doing out of a response to love, they learn to do out of obligation, compliance or reward.

2. They learn to do this Christian life by the power of the flesh, not their new nature.

3. They start seeing God, religion, Christian authority as just those keeping them from messing up too much. They feel controlled and never trusted.

4. They see themselves as saved sinners rather than saints who still sin.

5. They learn to hide what is true about themselves.

6. It just doesn’t work. The kids get anesthetized to the slogans and just hear it as more “religious speak.” They learn to ignore and escape once they are free from such control.

What if a school dared to trust what God wants to do with each of these students by appealing to the new life that is within them? I know not all of the students are believers; but, imagine the atmosphere on a campus where the underlying message was not, “Hey, buck up and toe the line. You kids have been taking advantage of your parents too long and it’s not going to happen here.” Imagine if the posters and classroom emphasis carried these messages:

• “Let Him love you.”
• “He is there for you in your hardest moments and longs to hear your deepest fears and secrets.”
• “He enjoys you.”
• “Let your greatest laughter and playfulness come first to Him, who appreciates you and enjoys you more than anyone else on earth.”
• “Learn to live out of who He calls you on your worst day-adored, never disgusted with, always enjoyed.”
• “Believe that you are a saint, with a new nature that longs to do good and live pure.”
• “You are not the sum of your behaviors or your past failures.”
• “You are loved as much as God the Father loves Jesus. Now don’t run from Him when you fail, but stay close. He’s not angry.”
• “Stop trying to be excellent-He doesn’t want your excellence-He wants you to trust Him to let His excellence shine through you.”
• “Enjoy this day as a gift from His hands, specifically made before the world began, for you.”
• “Every event that happens, even the toughest ones that don’t make sense-He is turning into good. He loves you that much.”
• “Don’t be afraid, His arm is around you.”
• “Trust His power to overcome sin and break the power of temptation. Your willpower is not nearly enough. He’s longing to protect you and fight your fight for you.”
• “Discover other students who can stand with you, love you and protect you as you face the difficulties of each day.”

What if the teachers treated them as new creatures, with new hearts, God within them, fully loved and delightful to God, never disgusted with or condemned? The students might grow to respond as if it could actually be true. All the outcomes we so desperately long for, would come as a by-product.

This next generation is longing for such an environment and don’t even know how to ask for it. We must risk learning how to provide it for them-at school, at church, and at home.

…Then I can stop getting the willies when I go to these “Meet the Teachers” nights. Is that so much for me to ask?

August 14th, 2008 by toben

My kids are going back to school today. For them the summer was a time to take a break from learning–they can relax and rejuvenate before they go back to an intense and focused time of discovery. But for me the summer was just the opposite. It has been a time for amazing learning and, I hope, some growth as a parent.

It started a few months back when John, sort of in passing, talked about the need for a parent to “parent to the new nature of their kids.” What? I thought about this statement for about a month or more and it didn’t make any sense to me. I didn’t know what he meant by “new nature” and I certainly didn’t know any other way to parent then the way I was doing it. But then a few things started to dawn on me.

The first is that both my children, who have given their lives to Christ, are new creations in Him. This concept blew me away because I always thought that it was only adults with adult problems, who became new creations. But my kids are new creations too.

Then I remembered what Bill says about how we aren’t sinners who also happen to be saints, but we are saints that sin. The operative idea here being that we are saints first and sinners second. And it’s not that we are sinners, as if that is part and parcel of our being—we are entirely and completely saints, through and through. It’s just that we sin too. But our sin doesn’t change who we are in Christ. I never thought of applying these concepts to my little saints.

The final piece of the puzzle was the idea that my sin doesn’t stand between me and Christ, but Christ stands beside me, with His arm around me as we face my sin together. I love this image. It has helped me immensely as I think about my relationship with Jesus. And it got me thinking that if Jesus is willing to take that posture with me, maybe I could try to take that same posture with my kids.

OK, so three big concepts all come together and here’s what it has meant as I parent. The first is that I have to acknowledge my kids as little believers in Christ and recognize they are fully and completely redeemed no mater how they behave (which sometimes is a real challenge). The second is that they are little saints first who happen to sin too. What that means tangibly is that when I correct them for some crazy thing that they are doing, I’m not trying to correct someone who is fundamentally bad, but someone who is a new creation because of what Christ did on the cross. The final thing is that when they do blow it, I try not to let what they are doing stand between them and me, but I come alongside them and we look at what they are doing together, side by side.

Again this is new stuff for me—something that I have only been thinking about and trying to practice this summer. But I think it is making a difference in the lives of my kids, and it has certainly made a difference in me, on how I parent and in how I view them. Who said summer isn’t a time for learning?

August 7th, 2008 by John Lynch

About a week ago, the Lynch family came back from a vacation at Newport Beach.  It was a great time.  I was allowed to take naps and mindlessly surf cable stations through Ginsu knife infomercials and reruns of Barnaby Jones.  None of this, of course, am I allowed at home. Stacey works me pretty hard.  But I digress.

With us, was our Golden Retriever, Bali.  I like her more than I do most humans.  We made a bed for her across the front seat, while all three girls crammed into the back. Did I mention I really like her? Bali loves the car. I take her on short trips to the park, or to pick up something I forgot at the office. But she soon realized this would be different. We were about 45 miles away from Phoenix, entering the world’s most desolate stretch of desert wasteland, when she stared out the window and then back at me, as if she was saying, “We’re not going to the park, are we? And hey, we’re going really fast. You’ve never gone this fast before. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed; but, I’m not wearing a seatbelt.” (Maybe I’m over-reading her comments, but I don’t think so.)  Then she studied me for a long time as if she was thinking, “Master, do you have a plan? Are we gonna be alright? Can we just go home? I’m really thirsty.”

It dawned on me in that moment-Bali’s the only one of us who doesn’t understand what’s happening. All the rest of us know the plan, where we’re going. For all Bali knows, we’re moving, or she’s being taken to the animal shelter, for some indiscretion back home. All I could do was try to reassure her by stroking her fur and whispering that everything would be alright and soon she’d be running free at the beach. All of which I’m sure sounded to her like, “We are going to abandon you here in the desert at the next mile post sign.”

By the time we got to Blythe, she had to pee. When I let her out at their grim version of a park, she looked at me and shook her head. “Let me see if I understand this correctly. You want me to pee here? I thought we were friends.”

For the next several hours, she couldn’t get settled. She was panting and drooling from fear or confusion. Then something beautiful happened. She took a deep sigh and laid her head down heavily on my right hand. Soon she was fast and deep asleep, unbuckled in a Honda Element barreling down the highway faster than she’d ever gone, to a place she’d never been.

I didn’t move my hand for almost a hundred miles. Even in desolate surroundings, she knows I love her and would protect her at significant cost to myself. It touched me to see how much my dog was counting on me to be a good man, how much she trusted me.

I’ve been reflecting on that ride for the last several weeks. Bali’s journey is not unlike my journey with God. Although He knows exactly where we’re going, it’s lost on me. I have no idea why certain events happen each day. I mostly just feel like I’m along for an out of control ride. Sometimes it feels like things are occurring because of something I did wrong. And a lot of the road goes through desert, uncomfortable and cramped, and way too many stops look like Blythe. And we’re going really fast and I’m not wearing a seat belt. And much of the time I’m panting and sighing out of confusion and fear. And about all I’ve got going for me most of the time is this dogged conviction that He is good and He is not playing a game with my heart. And that He knows exactly where I’m going, and at some point in the trip, I will get to watch a sunset with my family on some beach. So, finally I lay my head upon His hand. And He doesn’t move it. Those are the times I am at peace. Those are the times I rest and enjoy life, even though everything around me is chaotic. I’m pretty sure my trust touches God’s heart too.

August 5th, 2008 by toben

Yesterday I was listening to a local Christian radio call-in show hosted by a local pastor. The theme of the show was “Temptation Avoidance Strategies.” In a nutshell, this pastor stated that in order to not sin, we need strategies in place that allow us to avoid temptation; and, without a strategy, we are bound to sin. Furthermore, if we are tempted it is because we are good Christians and Satan has a lot invested in us messing up. If we aren’t tempted, then we aren’t very good Christians and Satan doesn’t care to waste his time on us.

Now, a few years ago this would have seemed like a perfectly logical and straightforward message–the idea of sin-proof strategies would have appealed to me. But having been impacted by the TrueFaced message over the last few years, I hear broadcasts like this differently.

The first thing that struck me is that my faith is a relationship not a strategy and that only the relationship can keep me on the right path. The second was that even if I have the best strategies in place, I am still going to make bad decisions and “sin.” The third is that sin management (doing everything I can with my own force of will not to sin) always fails– I don’t have it in me to stop sinning.

I have to tell you, I wish sin management worked! It would make life much less messy. But for me, and for thousands of others, we have come to believe that management and strategies to stop sinning just don’t work–they don’t allow me to effectively deal with my sin.

What does work is this: the transforming power and acknowledgement of God’s grace. A lot of people think that grace is soft on sin, but I have found it to be exactly the opposite. It is only in my full understanding of grace that, in me, fosters a desire to not make destructive decisions. And it isn’t an intellectual desire, but a soul-desire. I want to do the right thing in the presence of a Christ who stands shoulder to shoulder with me as we face my sin together. And it is through his arm-in-arm presence that I can deal with my sin effectively. What a relief!

So I am hearing things through new ears, whether it’s a radio broadcast, something on TV, something I see on-line or something that occurs in a conversation with family and friends. I wish I could say that I have this all down perfectly–I am still learning and growing every day. But I have to tell you that this image of Christ standing with me, with his arm around my shoulder as we face the hard stuff in my life has been transformational. I don’t have a strategy with Christ, but a wonderful and transformational relationship.

July 22nd, 2008 by toben

On Sunday my pastor, Jim Dixon, delivered a great message in a new series entitled “Ready to Rumble.” I honestly didn’t have high expectation as I thought this was going to be the typical Armor of God/Spiritual Warfarestuff that I have heard many times before. We started out with Ephesians 6:10-18 like most of these sermons do; but, I have to say that Pastor Dixon took us in an interesting and significant direction. The focus of his message this week was verse 15: “and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.”

He talked about how the feet are both the foundation that we stand on and
the means by which we stride out into the world. This got me thinking about
what we do here at Leadership Catalyst/TrueFaced (LCI/TF). In a way, our message of Grace, the one that we have given our lives to, is a direct by-product of this “gospel of peace.” After all, the good news of the Gospel is that God has extended grace to a
world of people who are undeserving through the sacrifice of his son Jesus
on the cross. And from this reality extends a peace that is deep and
consuming.

This has certainly been true in my own life. Five years ago I was diagnosed
as being bi-polar. I’m surprised that it took so long for that diagnosis to
come through as I had exhibited symptoms for years. But it took a real
breakdown for this problem to come to light. And it was a real
breakdown–debilitating and destructive. I plunged into a very dark place
for the better part of a year. And I did serious damage to my family.

During this dark time Joanne got a lot of advice from a lot of people about
what to do with me and our current situation. It ranged from “hang in
there” to “you should leave that jerk!” Lucky for me Joanne hung in there.
But more than just hanging in, she offered me grace despite the fact that I
was hurting her and hurting our girls. This is when I realized that
having someone stand beside me and offer me grace that I didn’t deserve,
even when I was such a destructive force, was what the Gospel is all
about–this truth took some time to dawn on me, but when it did, it was
transformative. After all, if Joanne could draw upon her strength as a
believer in Christ to do this for me, how much more so was God able to offer
grace even more overwhelming.

So on Sunday, as I was thinking about the “gospel of peace” I was really
thinking about the grace I have experienced in my own life that has lead to
that peace. And as Jim talked about using those “feet fitted with
readiness” I honestly considered how lucky I am to have a job that allows me
to stride out into organizations, ministries, families and marriages with a
message of transforming grace that is the good news of Jesus Christ. I woke
up this morning ready to tackle the many tasks on my to-do list knowing that
in playing my little part in LCI/TF, I am doing what Christ called us all to
do: to take the good news to the world. And what could be better news then
this message of life-altering grace.

July 7th, 2008 by Mari

We have a fourth of July family tradition; the whole family goes to a local resort and spends the day in the pool and the evening visiting and watching the fireworks.  Well this year the fireworks were cancelled but not the day in the pool.

I love this tradition because I get to spend time with my favorite people in the world: my husband, my sons and their wives, and my grandchildren.  Every time I am with my grandchildren I have an opportunity to learn something important, if I really pay attention.  This week was no different.

First thing Friday morning we headed to the pool: my husband and I, 8 year old granddaughter Abby, 7 year old grandson Andrew, and their mother.  Everyone else joined us later.  As we grownups were staking claim to the lounge chairs by laying out towels and pool necessities the children went straight into the pool.

Almost immediately Abby starts yelling, “Andrew is drowning!”  We all look for him and find he is indeed in way over his head; he is bobbing up and down in the water and is obviously in trouble even though he is only a foot from the side of the pool.  His mother runs and jumps into the pool with her Blackberry in one hand and flip flops still on her feet.  She pulls Andrew out of the water and holds him close.  He proudly holds up a small torpedo (a pool toy you drop in and dive for) and says, “Look Mom I got the torpedo.”  Once we all get over the shock we start to laugh.  My daughter-in-law looks at her Blackberry, which is all wet, and says, “This was probably not good for it.”

Emergency diverted.

I decided to talk to Andrew and teach him how to get back to the side if he gets in trouble again.  I asked him if he could touch the bottom of the pool when he went under and he assured me he could.  So I explained to him that next time this happens (because trust me it will because the boy knows no fear) he should hold his breath and when he touches the bottom push off towards the side.

Andrew proudly tells me, “I know how to do that.”  Of course I don’t believe him because he didn’t do it when he needed to.  So I take him a few feet away from the side and asked him to show me, fully ready to rescue him when he can’t do it.  Sure enough he does it perfectly and without my help; in a few seconds he is safely and proudly holding on to the side of the pool.

Now I am confused and ask him, “If you knew what to do, why didn’t you do it?”  And he says, “Because I didn’t want to drop the torpedo.”  Well duh, Nana.

OK, I would like to blame his perspective on seven year old logic, but if I am honest with myself I do the same thing.  I don’t know how many times I have almost “drowned” because I didn’t want to let go of the torpedo.

My torpedoes aren’t pool toys they are more likely to be things like my pride, desire for justice, shame and guilt, justified and unjustified hurts, or any number of things I don’t want to let go of.  I hold on even when doing so causes me to sink to the bottom.

So, let me ask you this, “What’s your torpedo?”
- Mari

PS:  The Blackberry is dead, but Mom is getting a new IPhone this week.  And, the adults spent all day teaching both kids how to swim well enough to get out of trouble the next time.

July 1st, 2008 by toben

This is my first official week as a full-fledged LCI staffer. I have been on contract with LCI for almost a year.  As my primary client through those months, and as we move toward being a self-publishing and full fledged resource development company (among other things), it just made sense for me to come on board.  As much as I have enjoyed being a contractor, I am feeling really good about taking this next step.

There is so much to do! We are still working on the website. It is looking good (if I do say so myself) but it can always get better. We are moving things around and trying to keep the content fresh. And we are listening to you when you give us feedback and trying to make the changes you suggest. So, if you have a comment or feedback for us, drop us an email at info@truefaced.com.  We love hearing from you.

And we are within a couple of months of releasing our first full length, self published book. It’s called Bo’s Café, and we couldn’t be more excited about it. TrueFaced has been a very successful book and has sold tens of thousands of copies, but often we hear the comment, “I get the concepts, but what does it look like to live this out?” Well, Bo’s Café is the answer to that question. We follow the lives of Andy and Stephen as they journey toward a True Faced life and into a community of grace. The cool part is that it is a novel–fun to read but also pretty informative.

Along with the book, we are in development of an experience/study guide to go along with the book. The experience guide for TrueFaced has allowed small groups all over the country to take them to the next level in
understanding and applying TrueFaced principles. The guide for Bo’s Café will be the same. My hope is that readers group all across the country will spring up and people will grab a hold of the guide to go deeper into the
concepts presented in Bo’s.

Involved in all of this is writing, editing, typesetting, designing, marketing, sales, and so much more. We are a small team here at LCI so everyone’s plates are brimming as we undertake all these activities, but so far we are up to the task. We have been blessed to have many partners come alongside in the development of this project. Our editors, typesetters and designers have been awesome an we couldn’t have done this project without them.

So look for Bo’s Café this August and the experience/study guide not soon after. If you continue to come to the site we’ll provide information about the release, and let you know how to preorder this amazing resource. And we
would continue to covet your prayers as we walk through these last critical days of production.

June 27th, 2008 by DavidP

My wife Kelsie and I were comparing notes last night after 6 days away with high school students in San Diego. As we continued to roll out our memories, ask each other questions, and reminisce on our favorite times something was apparent; with 10-15 camps in our rearview, we had never experienced a week like this.  

We sat on our couch too tired to move but unable to stop talking when Kelsie said, “Our kids were so benefited from you working at Leadership Catalyst.”  I filtered that statement for a minute as a picture of God’s orchestration began to form in my mind. The incredible truths that we are starting to trust for our lives- a TrueFaced worldview, communities of Grace like those described in our upcoming book Bo’s Café, and Protective Love- are reshaping our influence.

 It all starts with one scared high school student who was brave enough to know that she couldn’t handle the shame of a hidden issue anymore. Mortified, she trusted me to go with her to tell her friends. We didn’t ask for their accountability for the behavior; instead we asked them to love her and remind her of the truth when they could see her believing this specific lie. The incredible thing is that they had no idea what to do with this, but they loved her so well over the next days. They loved her by asking questions, clarifying her pain, and asking for advice from people they trust as to how they can best love her. 

In that process, each of those who had been shared with began to believe that this environment might be a safe enough place for them to stop hiding some of their stuff. This one act of humility was a supernova of light, blowing away dark places left and right. This wasn’t an “I can tell a worse story than you” dynamic, a sob fest, or a time of bargaining and promises to do better. This was a frightful, nauseating, heavy time where their real lives opened up. The hope that was created through these times was unbelievable. These were not young men and woman offering transparency, a look inside without any permission to love them; these were friends who were finding life in Jesus, trusting people with their stuff and finding it a safe enough place to not be instantly better. These high school students experienced trusting God and others with them, trusting that they could be loved without faking, deceiving, and masking. They were not asking for a get out of jail free card, they were asking for others to love them while standing with them in their pain, hurt, and consequences of their actions. I think that they realized that nothing was “fixed” during this time away. THANK GOD! We are not people who need to be fixed; we are people who need to experience love.