As long as I believe God’s goal for my life should be painless, smooth, validation and happy endings, I will live in a cognitive dissonance, which will eventually cause me to pull back and protect myself. We can slip into the dangerous thinking that if he’s good and powerful, our lives should be smoother and less messy than others. Bad guys should lose more often. Good guys should most often win. Sometimes it works that way. Often it does not. Not yet.

The God who is, allows through some of the pain a fallen world reveals. Its what he does with the pain, and bad endings, which ultimately proves who he is. If he is able to take all of the evil, dark and weird and twisted mess that hits us and is somehow able to turn it all into our good, that would be something very incredible indeed. For all the accusation that he has promised too much, this is exactly what he says he is doing. “I will cause all things to work together for good...” for the likes of us.

God says, “You might try to let me off the hook by reasoning I’m not fully in control of your world. That might maintain some measure of your affection for me: like a grandfather who loves you but can’t always remember your name. But this lie would ultimately ruin our relationship. I am fully in control of your world. Nothing happens, doesn’t happen, is withheld, allowed, caused, refused, delayed, or stopped without me seeing it, allowing it or refashioning it. I never say ‘Oops.’ I never say, ‘Dang, that one got by me! I’ll try to make it up to you.’”

“I am in control of your life. And I love you more than you love you. My character cannot and will not do wrong. I take whatever your race has brought on through your choice in the garden, and I redeem, refashion and rework it all into beauty beyond anything you could have possibly imagined. All things. Horrible things. Evil things. Chronic things. I decide what is allowed through and what it will accomplish. I decide what needs to be refashioned. But mostly I stand in the arena, when you cannot stand; defending you and protecting you. I do not lecture. I do not mock. I do not give sermons. What I do is love you: no matter how angry you are at me, no matter what you imagine in your heart about me. What I do is enter into your pain deeper than even you can. This I can do. This I will always do. Until we are Home together in the land where tears cease.”

There is a lifetime of maturing into truths I find myself being able to articulate.

Those are beautiful words, filled with nearly endless hope…Then why do I so often not know how to approach my wife with such truth? Maybe it’s in part that she doesn’t play fair when it gets hard. She can get mean and rough when I’m trying to woo her new nature. That’s the problem with living out this grace. This stuff is messy. Because no one, when they need their new nature wooed out, is all that polite in receiving it. They’re hurting. They’re broken. They’re angry, or frightened and they don’t play fair. And their stuff enflames me. A lot. It exposes my fear of not being enough. So I can get ugly myself and violate the very truths I long to bless with. It befuddles me. Nothing quite exasperates and beats me down than repeated attempts to want to extend grace to another’s pain, only to realize they don’t necessarily appreciate the full scope of my incredible “wisdom and goodness”. I’m getting attacked, or not appreciated. And this awakens all my shame issues, hidden behind a door of trust, begging to come out. 

Before I know it, I’m resorting to the old methodologies of unwittingly appealing to their flesh. I become louder. I resort to winning only because I have better words. I blame or self-defend. I basically give them the message of “why can’t you, why don’t you, when will you?” Within moments I’ve become the vice-mayor of the Room of Good Intentions. How can this be? 

The one who trusts these truths like he trusts his next breath, defaulting to petty harshness and self-protective attack, at game time? Here’s great hope: that you’ve failed again does not mean these truths have failed you. It only reveals how much we need the truths you so long to give. The fact that you want this way of life with your spouse, children or friends is proof of Christ’s wonder working in you. From here, it is only a matter of time…and enduring the clumsiness of figuring out the art of wooing another’s new nature. Hey, if loving were easy, tree slugs would open Hallmark stores.

True in the spiritual realm. Does it break your heart, like it does ours, that millions of Christians are drinking water they thought would bring them Life, but now they're sick and sad and stuck and spent and selfish and suffocating? 

Something's in their water. 

To be true or authentic means to be "uncorrupted from the original." True or fresh water must be uncorrupted from the original. Now, you know why we talk so much about the Original Good News. You have to get back to the Headwaters. Back to the true Gospel. Or you will live sick. 

When you drink corrupted water, you will live 'a life of corruption.' Not that you'll rob a bank. But, your life will distort and twist out of shape from what it could've been. Usually, the symptoms don't even appear related to the corrupted water. But, bad water works systemically - compounding ailments throughout your system. For example, drinking corrupted water will cause you to trade off Freedom for Bondage. Joy for Drudgery. Relaxation for Compulsiveness. Compassion for Criticism. Peace for Anger. Love for Sin. Others for Self-Obsession. Friendship for Alienation. Vision for Myopia. Mission for Toys. Finishing Well for Flaming Out. The corruption list is long. The price is high.

 Jesus said, "Whoever drinks of the water I will give him, will never be thirsty again." (John 4.14). If true, why do you think so many Christians live "thirsty?" Someone slipped them corrupted water. And, they're drinking it. Remember, to drink it, is to trust it.

This core issue remains. A vast majority of Christians trust the Original Water for saving, but not for living. At one time, you could've found them drinking at the Headwaters, but they've wandered downstream into a stagnant pond, where pollutants abound. Now they're working hard, drinking even more polluted water faster, to overcome their sickness. Twisted. Or, they've given up hope that they'll ever get well, and they're slowly dying. Tragic. If you are thirsty, stop drinking whatever is in your bottle.Let us, or a friend, take you back to the uncorrupted Headwaters. You'll "never be thirsty again,"

John, Bruce, and Bill

God is allowing me to drive through Blythe not because he wants me to suffer, but because he adores me. He has a magnificent, full color palette of life ahead. And he has many others who are about to face their own Blythe. He wants me there for them, in my uniquely bizarre manner; to point out which restaurants to avoid, and to describe the stunning meals ahead at the Beachcomber.

You may have forgotten that I take every devastating, aching, unhealed pain, every loss, every injustice, every calamity, every abuse, every accident, every turn of fortune, every lost love…and I refashion it, in perfect time, into perfect best.
I have not forgotten, that in the moment you often do not believe this. Even after you’ve experienced this truth countless times and thanked me for them along the way, promising never to doubt my character, ever again.
And I have not forgotten who you are. And I am not angry or needing you to finally ‘get’ anything. You may forget to remember my goodness. You may forget that I am in control. But I will not forget. I will hold this world, I will hold your world in control. I will not leave you, I will not forsake you.
I do not forget to love you just as much when you forget all this. This I can do. This I’ve promised to do. This I will do.

It all carries the illusion that great capacity, intelligence and direction equate to a better life. It does not, necessarily. I can carry a delusion that my sins are of a lesser nature than those of others. Again, I play the fool.

You can come to actually live like you don’t need to trust God for every good thing accomplished. Your worst is day is the day you become seduced into thinking you’re able to pull off anything, without trusting him in everything. You won’t see it right away. That’s why it’s so devious. It might seem like your best day. After all, you were on your game, you pulled off some pretty incredible stuff. But at the root, there is a self-made pride that gives God a tip for capacity and talents. But eventually fruit will be born. It will be rotten and useless. And you will wonder why others don’t let you lead them they way you think they should. Then you will look around and discover you have been paying God off with your efforts, instead of allowing his effort in you to shine in great love.

The goal of this life is not having less issues than others, or even being able, through natural gifting and talent, to do more things for mankind. The goal is always letting Christ be great by our trusting dependence upon his ability in us. As my friend Bill Thrall often says to leaders; “He doesn’t need our excellence. He wants us to trust him, so his excellence can be lived out in us.”

The greatest gift you with high capacity, success and strength can give yourself would be a number of safe others who can tell you what they see. A place where you are loved enough to be able to ask, “How am I affecting you?” They will eventually tell you if you let them. And you may discover you’ve been living many, many worst days, in the midst of your apparent lack of need.

It will take is a humility which allows another in, another who is able to tell you, “You’ve forgotten the only thing that matters, trust working itself out in love.” For you who dare risk such a thing, you are about to experience influence over “success”, being trusted over being accommodated, receiving love, over only giving out appearances of love.

We deeply need you, wonderfully gifted leader. We just first need you to stop believing we need you more than you need him, more than you need us…

Paul answers, “That’s like saying, ‘Hey we got plenty of gauze and antibiotics so lets keep hitting each other with shovels!’”

What about the Law kept you mastered by sin?
1) The condemnation of it
2) The lie that I could have no power over it
3) The lie that I could never be any different
4) The sense that the accusation was correct
5) The sense that I angered, disgusted God
6) The conviction that I had to solve it by my power
7) Horrible defeat after defeat using my own power.
8) The sense of heroism in my self-effort
9) The lie that one day, w/enough something-I could out willpower sin
10) The “thou shalt not” in law that makes me want to rebel, and to do it more than ever

Romans says sin shall not be your master because you’re no longer under Law but under grace.

What about grace frees you from sin’s mastery?
1) You are not what or who you once were
2) You are not under condemnation of performance
3) You have the power of a new nature to face sin
4) You’re not owned by the power of your past
5) Sin’s power is infinitely weaker than Christ in you
6) You have no allegiance to your old way
7) You have a new resurrected life with Christ in you
8) You have the power to choose allegiance to Christ
9) The reason to rebel has been taken away
10) You’re dearly loved and no behavior can change that
11) You have nothing to prove to become acceptable
12) Love now becomes your motive-not compliance to rule

If I know my acceptance to Him is irrevocable…
Then I don’t have to gossip about you to tear you down and bring myself up.
I can instead, protect your heart and build you up.

If I know I’m loved by Him only because of His good pleasure…
Then I don’t have to compete with you in child raising, money, godliness, home decorating, accolades, or friends.
I can instead, work for your success and see your success as mine also.

If I know I’m rich in Him already in everything that matters…
Then I don’t have to prove my wealth in money, status, looks, career, competence, notoriety, and talent.
I can instead, use my time to pay attention to your needs.

If I know that I’ll be taken care of by God’s sovereign protection...
Then I don’t have to preoccupy myself, scheming and pressuring myself to getting ahead and doing things to get noticed.
I can instead, look around and see who is hurting.

If I know that God is already please with me in Christ…
Then I don’t have to busy myself with proving my worth.
I can rest, relax, play and give my full attention to family, and at the end of the day, smile and sleep well.

If I know that God’s choice of biggest and most doesn’t always go to those who please Him most… Then I don’t have to make “success” my driving passion.
I can instead let character, integrity, faithfulness, and love be my drive.

If I know God is in control of my moment-to-moment needs…
Then I don’t have to control others.
I can instead free them by my trust of them.

If I know God isn’t judging me by a standard of who is the best leader, or who has the most authority…
Then I don’t have to worry about positioning myself.
I can instead, submit to your strengths and protect your weaknesses.

If I know God is for me…
Then I don’t have to prove myself by my righteousness.
I can listen to your heart to teach mine.

If I know there is no dream out there that God will deny me because of lack of self attentiveness…
Then I don’t have to regret where I am in life right now.
I can then help be used of God to foster His dreams for you.

If I know God is always gracious toward me…
Then I don’t have to be gruff, demanding, intolerant, judging.
I can then offer grace, mercy, forgiveness, and acceptance to you.

If I know that I am a new creature, crucified with Christ, indwelt by the Holy Spirit, forgiven completely, justified, redeemed and sanctified, with Jesus and His intimate love present every single moment…
Then I no longer have to beat myself up, mistrust myself, pretend I can’t please God, or pretend I can’t live for Him.
I can then start to experience and enjoy my sweet Savior every single day of my life.

Yes, I have the distinct honor and privilege to stand in His behalf and experience the sufferings for representing His name here on earth. But even that at its most difficult, will never be allowed to be used to break me, but only to give me the joy of living this life in His steps.

All of what I do is only ever being used to heal, free, and allow this new creature to visibly emerge to you and all who run across your life. Never will I create pain to teach you something. I am your God. I will not play a game with you. I know how to win your heart, to cause love to emerge, to undo destructive patterns, without doing more damage. I love you.”

Here’s how it might look: I find myself in an actual reality of pain, confusion, and stunned reversal of fortune. God doesn’t specially create such pain for a test. He just employs what already exists in a fallen world and uses it for my best. To reveal anything, it has to feel like much is on the line. So, tribulation, (i.e. ‘my worst days’) releases a chance to see myself weather it, to see that God can get me to the next season, fully intact. I find my greatest fears of what denial I thought I might do, didn’t happen. I find that while I don’t respond perfectly, Christ in me turns out to be enough. So much more than enough. The maturity he’s been building in me worked when I most needed it. This season of it being tested out is actually creating new maturity!
I’m still in the storm, but I want you to know, more and more each day, I am experiencing real and tested hope. I’m not sure I could have found it any other way.

I found myself saying, “You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re doing it wonderfully right.”

On the other end, the line got very quiet.

I continued, “Look, your numbers are not different than any other church at any particular time. Even if the stats are skewed its probably because of the new believers you attract with this message of the Original Good News. The difference between you and some other churches you might be tempted to compare with is this: in your environment it gets revealed. It’s harder for folks to stay hidden and relationships have been created where people no longer want to be hidden. So they’re coming out of the darkness risking that the devastation of revelation is superior to the devastation of hiding. Grace is messy, not because it’s inadequate, but because it allows the mess to come into the light.”

The line on the other end was still quiet.

“You were made for this my friend. This entire sacred community was made for this. This is your hour. You’ve not failed. You’ve created a safe place for people to try out if they’d be actually loved more if the worst of them became known. If we could pull back the curtain, your community would be shining so brightly. The proof of Christ’s life amongst you is not how much sin you can get your community to hide, or even how much sin you can get your people to keep from doing. The proof is if the place you’re endeavoring to nurture is beginning to allow others to bring their stuff into the light. Jesus is honored to walk among such. This is your validation, your legitimacy being revealed. This is a time for your leaders not to feel shame, but the absolute grateful delight of our God, who walked with a band of those risking the same. You, my young friend, are experiencing an environment of grace. It is not a time to run from each other but to do the hard work of love, which in revealed failure, runs to each other. Rock on, pastor man, rock on.”

Jesus, I no longer believe you think that way. Instead, you have patiently allowed your love to do its work, without the severity, intimidation and threat. While knowing my weakness, failure and immaturity, you are able to fully enjoy me and somehow employ what I do. These days, more often than not, I believe you gather the angels, and say something to this effect: ‘You gotta watch this! I know I made him and everything good that comes from him. But that, what he’s doing right now? That’s just flat out funny.’

The result is, I trust you with me. And slowly but surely, I grow weary of my idols; longing to more fully enjoy the one who has loved me so incredibly along this road.”

Any other plan - severity, beating yourself up, proving yourself, providing enough amends, all of it-is just man-made superstitious religion. This reformation of grace is a radical new way of living. It is learning to count upon a past event in the moment of need. It is learning to count yourself as completely changed into righteousness by that historic event, not needing to change yourself into worthiness.

It sounds like it’s too good to be true, or too little power to avail. But it is the only power strong enough. What we’ve been trying hasn’t worked, or our conscience and heart would tell us so. It didn’t work for Adam and Eve. They covered themselves and still felt the need to hide. It doesn’t work for you and I. We try to cover ourselves with our best attempts to assuage shame and we still feel the need to hide.

The day of religious posturing, bluffing and hiding to attempt to vindicate a righteousness we don’t believe we possess…it must now end. Or we will heap another worst day upon the one that has already found us.

Stunning. He was given a name to explain exactly where He is during my deepest need.

He is Immanuel-“God is with us”

He is not a concept, a theory or a theology. He is not a system or a religion. He is not an icon, a figurehead, or a mythical movement leader. He is not an allegory. He is not an ideal. He is not a way of life. He is not a memory. He is not experienced in the past or the future. He is not a static-drenched echo from a far off land. He is not once, or at one time. He is not less real now than He was to those who could touch Him. He is not the property of the pietistic, of any denomination or location. He is not a fable created to make children shape up. He is not here more for those on their game. He is not over there, up there, away from here. He is not withheld. He is not unwilling. He is not less here because we haven’t called on Him enough. He is not a bedtime story. He is not capricious or sporadic. He is not every now and then, or on special occasions. He is not only in the miracle. He is not here because you called hard enough. He is not here because you earned it. He is not ever absent. He has not forgotten. He is not weaker, less able than back then. He is not beyond where your prayers reach. He is not vague. He is not here in spirit. He is not here in a metaphor. He is not here in a riddle or a formula. He is not here by wishing He was real.

He is here. Right now. Fully, completely. He is in you, around you, with you, over you, about you, for you, on time, in the middle of, surrounding you and the ones you love, in complete power, communicating as clearly as any time in history, doing perfectly to you, for you, by you, thinking about you every moment, walking directly into the middle of your worst day, your worst moment, your worst fear, your pain, your loneliness, your doubts, your insecurity, your sickness, your tragedy, your fragileness, your hope, your joy, your peace, your dreams, your relationships, your love, your longing to have your life count. He is here. He is champion and author of every beauty you find yourself longing for. He is the one who stands over you in the darkest hour. He is lifting you up, when you are too exhausted, too devastated, too hopeless, too failed, too compromised, too far gone. He is in this season. He is with you driving alone in the car, pushing a cart amidst the mind-numbing department store music, the hurting ones you can’t get to, the loss you can’t comfort, the change you can’t stop, the party you drive by, the memory of past Christmases you can’t bring back. He is here. Listening to every word, forming answers and intimacy stronger than words. He is here in the music that draws your new nature to the sounds of heaven. He is here in the eternal. He is here, drawing you to the Cross in this very moment, to fall down in awe of the endless love He is displaying right now, to show you the moment of the Resurrection and to bring it into this moment. He is here to protect you from the despair, the condemning voices, the regrets. He is here to stop you from plotting a way out of your marriage. He is here to help you completely find your life after your marriage. He is here to show you the new way, in this new season. He is here to whisper who you are in Him and who He is in you. He is here to stroll the lanes with you, hands in pockets, smiling, with all the time in the world. He is here to declare your worth. He is here to be glorified, enjoyed, trusted, loved and worshipped by you. He is here, to stare at the lights right next to you. Right now, right here. He is here, whether you want Him here or not. He is here in all power, doing exactly right, even when you don’t believe it. He is here in the pain you never thought He’d allow. He is here in the yelling at Him you never thought you’d ever dare. He is here completely, in full Person, for you and you alone in this moment. He is God with me, God with us, God with them, God with the wicked and twisted and vile, all at once. He is with the shivering homeless one, with the starving mother who can’t get out to find food. He is unafraid to be present in a world that questions why He allowed, why He doesn’t do more, why He doesn’t stop it all. He is here and does not deflect our accusations. He is here in our arrogance and self-righteous imagining that we care more than He does. He is perfect love poured out and fused in. He is my new name, Christ in me! He is Immanuel.

He is not here the way we demand. He is here exactly in the way we need.

…and all it takes to experience it, is to trust that who He is named is actually true.

*Nothing ever happens to me by chance but by love
*No pain, disappointment or loss is ever wasted
*Nothing happens you won’t work out for my best
*You will not give me a second-class life
*Even now, your life is fully redeemable into joy
*You have prepared a fulfilling life for me to walk
*You are never ashamed of me
*You have given me all your nature, love, ability
*I will stand in front of you one day-face to face
*If only I trust you with me, you will be pleased
*You will not forget my needs, or my family’s needs
*You will make perfect sense of all my sadness
*You are not withholding a better life because I am not enough
*If I give my life away to serve you, it’ll not be wasted. Instead I’ll be given beyond my dreams
*If I chose to love my spouse, even if they don’t know how to return it, you’ll give me a meaningful life
*If my spouse fails me, you will give me all the love I will ever need
*If my child is not smart enough, talented, or athletic, or good looking enough, you still created them to have incredible impact and joy in this life
*You love me with everything in your heart no
matter what I have done, or will do
*You are fully present, even when I do not hear
you or see your face in prayer, or worship
*You make no mistakes of any kind with my life
*My weaknesses never makes you disappointed with me
*If I never have enough to do the things I wanted
to do, you will not allow me to enjoy this life less
* You have a meaningful life for me still to live
*You will never give up on me
*This present calamity or issue will not destroy me
*If I don’t self-protect, you will protect me
*If I give up my rights to win, you will protect me
*If the unthinkable happens, you’ll be there with me
*I am never alone, forgotten
*I am delighted in, even when I have forgotten to enjoy who I am
*I am believed in even when I have stopped believing in who you have made me

Brennan won’t live forever. I recently read his autobiography. He’s in a very crippled and helpless last season of life. I fear that day I will read of his passing. Stunningly, I’ve only spent a weekend with him, but I’m not sure I will know how to live this life without him on this planet. He was the first one I believed actually believed the sanctifying grace of God enough to fully risk it. The moment I read the Ragamuffin Gospel back in 1990 I knew I must abandon my cheap attempts of making myself enough for God to be pleased.

Brennan Manning is a self-admitted scoundrel. He claims to be a narcissistically selfish and petty alcoholic. I imagine him to be a lot of work. But I had never, and have never met anyone with a lot to lose, who ripped so violently past the safe confessions. He admitted to exaggerating some of his stories. He admitted to wanting to be cherished by adoring fans. More than admit, he vomited out his failures, for us all to see.

At the same time, no one, anywhere has more convinced me to trust my new identity; no one has convinced me to enjoy my new identity more than him. Its like he’s this phony, who in telling on himself with such boldness, becomes the most genuine person I’ve ever known. He’s savvy enough to fool everyone and trusting of God enough to publish his game plan.

We met each other in South Carolina back in 2001. We were both speaking at a pastors’ conference, along with Bruce McNicol and Larry Crabb. Brennan was already my hero. We walked the beach one morning and sat together at dinner. He asked me to join him in skipping out on the session of a speaker whose name I can’t remember. I was a rookie and didn’t want to offend our host. I so wish I had gone with him. I went up later to his room. He’d been drinking heavily. He looked dark and haunted. It broke my heart to see this man who was so incredibly used of God to free others, so deeply trapped in his own darkness. I excused myself as soon as I could. I later read that was a season of great hiding.

The next morning it was my turn to speak. I searched the audience to see if he was in it. There, in the back, wearing his trademark bright yellow dress shirt and jeans, he was leaning against the back wall of the auditorium. I gave my message, “What if you really knew who I was?”

I could not have been more nervous if Cockburn, Bono, Dylan, Emmy Lou Harris and Jack Nicklaus were in the front row, taking notes. I have no memory of the message. I have no memory of an audience. They probably have no memory of me. But I do remember what happened as soon as I finished. He started working his way through the audience to me; this tiny man in the bright yellow shirt. I stood there transfixed, trying not to stare at him.

He walked all the way up to me, put his hands on my shoulders and looked me directly in the eyes. He said these words that I have never forgotten: “John, that was the most important message on grace I’ve ever heard a Protestant give. Thank you.” He was crying…Then he turned and walked away.

I thought, in that moment, I might not ever wash that shirt again.

Brennan has understood something few of us have. He’s known he desperately is without ability to hold it together. He leans fiercely into the grace, provision, power and deep affection of Jesus. Everyone is screwed up. None of us is together. Those are not just theoretical words. It’s just that bad religious bluffing or sincere generational gentility can make us pretend we are not as needy as Brennan. That is where we play the fool. The Original Good News does not envision a group of super-spiritual people with better will power and less obsessions. None of us does love even close to perfectly just because we are fused with perfect love. Needy, failed, maturing, beautiful and clumsy ones are the sacred norm. Everyone’s still weak, compromised and seditious, even on our best day. Its just better to know you are.

So, I’m living on borrowed time. My high water mark has been met. My hero, Brennan, was used of our God to tell me that what I was teaching mattered. At least one beautiful drunk thought I was making sense.

He’ll stay here with you for the whole game. He grieves with you, He never listens to untruth about you, He is your fan, He is your protector. He is always for you. He is every moment bringing circumstances together for His glory and your good. He makes no mistakes for you. He loves you more than you can fathom in your sweetest thoughts. He thinks about you every moment. He is never put off by your unbelief, your distance, your hiding. He enters into all of your pain. He never stands aloof. He is, at this moment, changing your heart to free you to hear Him and let Him in. He is not ashamed of you, embarrassed of you, He is not sick of one more failure. He never sees you as unfit, not enough or insufficient. He is cleansing you every moment. He can play with you if you want, right in the middle of your deepest, darkest hour. He will not let life or enemies, or opponents, or slander or sadness or failure or unbelief swallow you up. He knows exactly when to bring water to your desert. 

He is not far off, but ready and present right now to meet you in the worship songs, and in these words. He has seen down the road called life, He has for you-good. He hears you. He understands the pains, confusion, disappointment, disillusionment, sorrow that no human can enter into. He smiles when your name is brought up. None of what you’re going through is ever punishment, or because He doesn’t love you as much as someone else. When confusing misfortune comes, He gathers His angels to watch your faith. He cheers you on. His delight and love of you is as personal and unique as you are. His power in your life is endless. His ownership of you is secure and solid. His ability to change you in His perfect timing is unerring, even in the things you wrongly blame Him for, He does not get angry or defensive. He just heaps more grace, more love, more tenderness onto you. 

No prayer you cry to Him ever, ever is not fully heard, felt and answered in perfect love. No pain ever is allowed randomly, but only after the counsel of His love to draw you to Him and make you more like Jesus. You are never alone, left to go it alone, even when you try to walk away. He is holding you, carrying you through every fear, doubt, blinding pain, and devastating disappointment. He has provided a home with Him, so soon it will be any moment, in a land where there is no pain, no more hurt, no more disillusionment, no more past wounds, no more love promised and not delivered, no more failure, no more sin…

I was to pick up the dog poop, clean the pool, make my bed, wash the car, mow the lawn, and keep up with the ever-advancing pyracantha. Nearly every day it was the same:

Dad-“John, did you do your chores?”John-“(indistinguishable mumbling)”

Dad-“Well, you’re not leaving this house until they’re done.”

John-“(more indistinguishable mumbling)”

And so it went. My half-hearted keeping of chores, after enough nagging and threats.

Until one day, when it all changed.

It was a June morning, just before dad left for work. He was wearing grey dress slacks, a starched white shirt and a red tie, with a clip. He said something like these words:

“John, I don’t tell you enough how much I care about you. You bring a lot of life and laughter to our home. Your mom and I are so proud of you. Do you know that?” Then he headed to the door, turning back to say, “If you want, when I get home, we could play some catch.”

Then he was off. So were my plans for the rest of the day. I still don’t know what happened that day. Did he take a class on parenting the evening before? Did he have a lobotomy? Regardless, almost involuntarily, I went to our shed and pulled out our hedge trimmers. They were rusted and jammed. I had no gloves. I went in and poured a giant glass of water, then headed out into the Phoenix summer heat to tackle the hellish pyracantha…and maybe free trapped animals.

Previously, I would trim the edges and leave the clippings for days; eventually running over them with the mower. This day I dug deep into that spreading vine of death. I reshaped the mass of threatening pyracantha into something almost resembling a manicured hedge. It took me almost all day. I didn’t care. I don’t think I’d ever worked so hard. My hands were blistered from the antique hedge trimmer and my arms were bleeding from picking up thorn-covered vines formed during the Hoover administration. I took garbage can after garbage can to the alley and even mowed up the last scraps I couldn’t get by hand.

I was in my bedroom when I heard his 62 Chevy station wagon turn into the carport. I heard my mom greet him at the door: “Jim, you have to come with me and see what John did today!” I watched the following scene through the slit in my blinds as my dad walked out to inspect the pyracantha.

Then it happened. The whole reason I had found myself cancelling a summer day with buddies. His smile. I rarely got to see that smile. But there it was. He was beaming. He was proud of his son. I was getting to be the person he called me.

How crazy is that? A rebellious high school kid turns friend in one interchange. I’ve never forgotten that moment. Though my dad didn’t have Jesus as his motivation, something about being formed in the very image of God caused him to affirm and bless a son who less than deserved it. And that son finds himself wanting to bring great joy to that father. The motivation of grace will always bear greater fruit than the motivation of demand. For at least that day, my dad was the finest preacher in that neighborhood.
…Never did find any animals.

Writing this book has been incredibly wonderful, but painfully ironic. This thought wakes me up in the middle of the night: I’ve waited to get to write this book for decades. I think I could have written such a magnificent piece awhile back. But now I’m all torn up. Some days I’m listless, dull and brooding. I feel like I’m at about half capacity. The book I so much wanted to write to you, is being written by a man I sometimes scarcely recognize or want to own.

…And all may be true. Except this thought hit me just yesterday. This very reality is true for most of us. All of us are playing with injuries. All of us have been shredded by some manner of loss and new reality we never foresaw when we were on our game. God says to me in the very midst of it, “What if this is the book I want you to write?” Or for you…“What if its you, in this very condition, who I most want to raise these children. What if it is you, this wife, this single parent, this one marriage has passed by, the addicted one, the one slipping in capacity, the one in your twenties who has already failed enough to kill some dreams, or the one whose old paradigm no longer works and whose new one you don’t yet know fully how to live in? “Alright then, sovereign God. I’m in. Keep writing through me.”

Somewhere in evening, the conversation turns.

“Who are you-really?” He unhurriedly lets them ask questions. Then there is sacred silence. It is becoming clear exactly who he is. Few, if any, in the crowds outside, who’ve sought Him for a miracle show, got what the reprobates in this room are receiving. They’re desperate for Who He is, not what He might give.

Someone sitting next to Him… “Why us? Why would you choose to be here tonight, with us?”

“This may be hard for you to understand. I’ve known you since before there was time. I’ve loved you since before there was time. I know about the catch in your knee that takes awhile each morning to loosen up. I was there the evenings your father beat you. I was there when you were kicked out of the synagogue. I’ve come from heaven for you.”

“Don’t you know what I’ve done?”

“Yes, I do. And I have the unfortunate ability to know the wrong things you’re going to do tomorrow and the day after that, also. The only sin which could possibly separate you from eternity with God-is to reject the Person who’s speaking to you at this moment…(He smiles) And, at least so far, I’m being welcomed tonight like few other places I’ve been down here.”

Unresolved issues begin to melt, historic wounding begins to lose its power. They begin to come under the influence of trusted others. And Jesus pours wisdom, truth, insight and discernment into their very being as a gift. Their behaviors don’t change overnight. It’s not really even their goal. Their goal is to love and be loved. And behaviors will change as a by-product. More and more are risking this ancient way of life. And once they’ve tasted it, they can no more go back to their religiously tidy world than they could sew a quilt out of wet snakes. This righteousness, my believing friend, has already happened to you. You can enjoy it as soon as you’d like. Like even as you read these words…Cool life about to happen for you!

At first we sit devastated amid the rubble...But God... Someone told me recently the value, vindication of trusting God is not proven or disproven in any action, revelation, accolade, advancement or personal crisis. It is not invalidated in career setback or even the deterioration of the strengths we thought we'd always carry. The vindication and validation is found in what God does next, as we trust Him in the daily playing out of this new reality. 

Then you discover there is really no other human experience on this fallen orb. Everyone is gamely, at some point, trying to find their way in the aftermath of our own disillusionment. In fact, as another friend told me, such sadness, confusion, set-back and loss is your very validating event-giving you permission to influence even more than you ever imagined. And joy will come...one of these mornings. For He knows right where you are, and He adores you more than 10 million yet unnamed galaxies.

I loved God, and probably thought that meant I shouldn’t trust me if I wanted to be pleasing to him. I, like millions of others, thought that statement in the Old Testament about my heart being wicked and not trustworthy was true about me. It’s not. Not at all. The result of the Cross and Resurrection were this powerful: I have a good and noble and trustworthy heart, and I am maturing into these new clothes! Not only do I not want to do the bad, I also want to do the right. In the past, with that dead, moralistic theology of shame, I never gave myself a chance to hunger or thirst. I always supplied some artificial band-aid to get me back, even though my heart had not been given a chance to respond from its new life. It was devastating to discover my own safeguards and techniques were actually keeping me from getting a chance to do right.

 I’m not sure there is a more life-giving revelation for a believer than discovering I actually want to live for Christ, instead of secretly imagining I must resent myself for not wanting to. As long as you see you as a bad person trusting a good God you will surround yourself with teachers and writers who will compel you to promise, care more, care more about caring more, sell out, give it all up, blah, blah, blah. We were made for so much more. It’s an absolute revelation.

She now loves walking nearly the entire route. I used to run 400 yards in just over 50 seconds. It takes the three of us now over 20 minutes. They are the most sacred minutes of my week. Shuffling along, looking at details of a journey I rarely before noticed; settling into this pace, after entire weeks of intense sprinting to prove I’m still relevant, still needed. This is all new to me. I’ve been slowly learning for it to be beautiful. On this stretch, I am Maci’s safety net, allowing her to explore her whole new world. And she is becoming my safety net to re-examine this world I stopped exploring awhile back. 

I kiss her and tell her I love her. She whispers back with a tender, trusting smile, “Yea.” And in that moment, just past sunset, shuffling along, with two creatures who think I’m one of the greatest humans alive, God surrounds the event. I’m almost sure He’s saying, “I have not forgotten. Someday, you will shuffle this walk with someone taking your hand, because your failing health will demand it. Today, we are walking this walk, because holding her hand is healing you. All, so you can go back out and run, in health. Take your time. I’m in no hurry. I know what’s up ahead. ‘Tis all grace my friend. Now, stop daydreaming. She’s out in the street again. You might not want to let her put that cat poop in her mouth.”

I look back. She is wearing a diaper and no shoes. We must be a sight to anyone passing by. A senile old man mindlessly wandering ahead of a child he can no longer find or dress. I scoop her up and carry her for a bit. And in that moment, I am the happiest I’ve been in a long, long time.

“The most darkness-defying risk a human can take is to believe that in even this moment, the following is true. In my freshly proven shame, I want to turn away from it. But to do so is to deny the reason Jesus went to the cross. To do so will cripple me. So here it is. This is true about John Lynch, at this particular moment…On my worst day I am:
…Adored, enjoyed, delighted in, clean, holy, righteous, absolutely forgiven, new, beautiful, acceptable, complete, Spirit indwelled, chosen, adopted, able, intimately loved, smiled upon, planned for, protected, continually thought about, enjoyed, cared for, comforted, understood, known completely, given all mercy, compassion, guarded, matured, bragged on, defended, valued, esteemed, held, hugged and caressed, kissed, heard, honored, in unity with, favored, enough, on time, lacking nothing, directed, guided continually, never failed, waited for, anticipated, part of, belonging, never alone, praised, secure, safe, believed, appreciated, given all grace, all patience, at peace with, pure, shining, precious, cried over, grieved with, strengthened, emboldened, drawn kindly to repentance, relaxed with, never on trial, never frowned at, never hit with a 2 by 4, delighted in, at rest in, receiving complete access, given gifts, given dreams, given new dreams, continually healed, nurtured, continually sheltered from the full brunt of devastation, taken shame from, carried, never mocked, never punished, almost all of my jokes enjoyed, not behind, not outside, given endless affection.

Doesn’t much feel like it at the moment. But that’s how the gig works. That’s the depth of His love, whether you or I feel I deserve it or not. Deserve has long ago left the building.”

We are over 50% to funding this thing. I'm like a starving squirrel at an acorn farm I'm so excited.

http://fundly.com/giving-john-lynch-chance-to-write-his-book